Divorce shame. It begins with the dreaded “D” word that seems to hang around you everywhere you go. When you join a new team at work and everyone is talking about their family, at some point, you have to say “no, my husband doesn’t work here as well, I’m divorced”. Then comes “I’m sorry”, “I didn’t know” or something along those lines, together with a look that’s a combination of pity and curiosity. Ugh! How many times do you need to go through this? It feels like you’re “coming out of the closet”. Every time.
Shake it off!!! You hear me? Shake it off!
That feeling of shame that creeps up into your soul every time you have to “describe your marital status”.
Shake it off!
I remember the early days…. I was so ashamed and thought to myself “how can I show my face in church? Everyone would have heard by now….”. At work, I deftly avoided conversations about family…I didn’t want to go there. I hadn’t done anything to be ashamed of, but I’m a typical woman… we are good at taking on burdens that are not ours and blaming ourselves for things we are not responsible for.
Even now, it tries to creep up on me. Especially in group settings, when conversations about kids and spouses come up. But I have learned to shake shame off before its’ ugly claws get into my head.
Slap on some bright lipstick and put on that dress that makes you feel beautiful. Don’t forget the high heels! Add some sway to those hips!
Show up! At parties! Baby showers! Bridal showers! Weddings! Picnics! Head held high.
DO NOT go into hibernation, hiding in your closet. Rejoin the world of the living!
“do not be afraid, you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace, you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood…the Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit-, a woman who married young only to be rejected says your God” Isaiah 54:4,6 (New International Version Bible)
Oh, but it will try to sneak up on you, time and time again. Like a thief in the night. But shake it off!
Shake, shake, shake it off!!!
“those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame” Ps 34:5 New Living translation bible
You are a daughter of the King. Beloved. Valuable.
Know that you are not rejected. Not cast away. You are treasured. You are loved!
Let that confidence square your drooping shoulders and lift your weary head.