Like mine, your divorce may be a blessing in disguise!
Take a moment and let that sink in…
Depending on where you are in your healing journey, you may be thinking that I’m crazy or you may be nodding your head vigorously in agreement. Either way, I’m serious….
Your divorce may be a blessing in disguise!
Maybe right now, it looks like the opposite of blessing… covered in dirt and grime, blood and tears. “How can you call this a blessing in disguise?”, you ask.
Oh! But it could be. It’s just not the kind we like…adorned with sparkles and glitter, big bright bows and polka-dotted wrapping paper…impossible to miss. It’s not the bright, beautiful kind, but your divorce may be a blessing in disguise all the same.
Nothing takes God by surprise. Before anything happens in our lives, He knows. If we cooperate with Him, God will use everything that we experience… the good, the bad and the downright ugly, for His glory.
This difficult season
This “hard” season of being a single mama may be a blessing in disguise. A time when God is doing a deep work inside your soul. There is much to experience and much to learn from in this season.
The hard things that you’re going through at this time are meant to build you up in preparation for the future that God has for you. You may have to dig for it. But there may be a blessing in disguise for you in this season.
If you “messed it all up”, you can choose to repent and learn from your mistake. You don’t have to continue to do the same things, expecting a different result! I honestly think that our generation gives up too easily…we are quick to throw away instead of doing the hard work of fixing.
I believe that even though divorce is not God’s best plan for us, He loves his children more than marriage and does not approve of abuse of any kind. Scripture also makes it clear that adultery and abandonment are biblical grounds for divorce…when a spouse chooses to walk in unrepentant sin in these areas, God does not hold his children bound. So if this happened in your situation, don’t allow the enemy to keep you down with guilt and shame! Shake it off and march boldly into your future.
My blessing in disguise divorce
When I first found out that I was about to be divorced, it felt like the opposite of blessing. I felt like my world had fallen apart and spent many days crying, confused and fearful about the future.
I didn’t know where to turn, how things would turn out, how I could care for my two young children by myself. But as God began to carry me, and as He has faithfully walked by my side in the years since my divorce, it has become very clear to me that my divorce is a blessing in disguise!
I’m in awe of the God who loves me so much that He allowed me to be inadvertently set free to walk fully in His purposes for my life and to be positioned for a better future.
Since my divorce, I have found several things to savor and enjoy during this season of being a divorced single mama.
Don’t waste this season! Dig deep and take the time to discover the many blessings in disguise splattered all over this time in your life; you will be surprised at what you find!
Here are some blessings that your season as a single parent may have for you:
1. Discover yourself again.
You have a great opportunity to discover yourself again; enjoy this. Don’t be in a rush to move on to the next season.
Set some time aside to reflect on some fundamental questions about yourself such as:
- Who am I?
- What are my core beliefs?
- What do I enjoy?
- What am I really good at?
- What brings me joy?
- At what stage in my life was I really happy? What was going on at that time?
- What areas do I need to grow in?
As you take the time to meditate and get grounded again, you will begin to love yourself. You will also begin to realize how valuable you are, and hopefully, become more particular about the people you allow to have a place in your life.
After I had grieved the end of my marriage and begun the process of healing, I found myself writing again. In retrospect, I’ve always been better at expressing myself in written rather than spoken words.
I have also enjoyed making my home more like me! I decorated with bright orange in my living room, pink and peach in my bedroom and flowers on my wall! It’s nice to enjoy the things I like without feeling the need to suppress that to accommodate someone else.
I’ve also taken the time to reflect on who I am, at my core, and decide that I will never compromise in this area again. You need to do this so that you are settled and grounded deep inside before the next season comes.
2. Live in peace.
You can truly live in peace! If your marriage was rife with anger and fighting, you don’t have to deal with that anymore, you can choose peace.
Many single mums experience much strife and difficulty in their relationship with their ex-spouse. A lack of appropriate boundaries for that relationship is often the culprit. If you want to have peace in the relationship with your ex, set the necessary boundaries and recognize that you CANNOT control your ex! Once you do these two things, much of your problems with your ex will be solved.
If you are the source of the drama, then you need to address the underlying hurt and anger that may be driving your behavior and deal with it. It’s not easy (trust me, I know!), but you have to get rid of all that junk! If you don’t, it will mess up not only today but your future. Don’t sacrifice your future on the altar of the past!
Choose to live in peace.
3. Enjoy your children
Now that you are no longer dealing with the stress of a difficult marriage relationship, you can develop deeper relationships with your kids. Be more present and get to know those babies! Your house doesn’t have to be squeaky clean all the time! It’s ok to not do the laundry or the dishes and take the kids to the park instead.
Personally, I feel like I’ve become a better mama since my divorce. I’m “more present” and really getting to know and enjoying my kids like never before. We are doing the things we enjoy like travel, fun Fridays and pajama Saturdays! All guilt-free!
4. Financial independence
Your divorce may have set you back financially, but you can build from where you are. You now have the freedom to build the future you want. Yes, It’s scary. But you can do it!
Remember the questions that you asked yourself in #1? Go back to what you are really good at, and figure out how to turn that to cash. You don’t have to have a fancy degree to be financially independent.
The last thing you want is to be dependent on child support or alimony to survive for the long-term. Start where you are, but develop a plan to grow until you are in a place where you are making your own financial decisions independent of another’s influence…able to spend, save and give according to your own convictions.
5. Restored relationships
Maybe there are certain relationships that you couldn’t maintain because your former spouse didn’t approve. Well, now, you can restore broken bridges!
Reach out to the family member or that friend whose company you’ve missed and reconnect. Rebuild relationships with those you love and fill your life with their warmth and laughter!
6. A second chance
I don’t know your story, but maybe the rejection you experienced was God’s act of mercy, to release you from something that wasn’t good for you. The process may have been painful, but now, it’s over. Choose to heal and move forward!
Take this time to figure out whether you want to be married again, and if you do, decide what you want. Don’t settle! Enjoy your life, love yourself and trust God for a second chance at love. ..His way and in His time.
Don’t be in such a hurry to get through this season that you miss the blessings!
How are you doing mama? What is the blessing in disguise that you are enjoying during this season? Share your thoughts below!